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Many business problems revolve around the personalities of the players and the way they talk to one another. Businesses falter or fail when these issues are not addressed.
A recent New York Times article was called “Like Marriage, Business Takes Work.” The article discussed the ways business relationships can be improved, communication enhanced and tension reduced by using a communications coach.
The advice of management consultants may be helpful in many ways -marketing, financial management, and sales training to name a few. But these advisers often don’t focus on how their clients talk to each other.
What often is needed is a coach who understands communication skills and relationships. That coach approaches interpersonal business issues in quite a different way.
In coaching business colleagues, a communications coach should:
- Stay neutral. Relationships are co-created – both parties contribute to the success and problems colleagues may have.
A coach helps both parties understand their contributions to the problems in the business relationship.
- Identify the strengths each individual brings to the relationship and the business. Too often, when tensions arise, we stop noticing the positives and look at everything in a negative way.
- Create a neutral place to say what needs to be said without causing a nuclear explosion.
Avoiding confrontation can create a more peaceful environment. However, not addressing important issues in the hope of avoiding conflict simply don’t work.
- Notice the pattern of communication. So often we talk to our partners without noticing when we’re critical, irritated, frustrated and blaming. When we’re criticized or blamed, we become defensive and angry – we stop listening!
- Raise awareness of counter-productive communication styles.
For example, we may use turn-off statements. Some of those include, “You always . . . or “You never . . . “or “Can’t you ever . . . .”
Just raising our voices can stop communication dead in its tracks.
When we start a sentence with these phrases and/or turn the volume up, effective communication ends.
- Guide brainstorming sessions to enhance creative problem solving.
When a close working relationship turns sour, the synergy that created a creative approach to challenges may have disappeared.
A coach can guide the process and offer input into possible business solutions.
- Emphasize action to assure the business improves as a result of improved communication.
About Matthew and Paul
Matthew is a 55 year-old radio station owner. His partner, Paul, is thirty-seven. They have been partners for five years and have bought 7 radio stations. Until recently, the business was going well and they had big plans to expand to 15 stations in the next year.
Matthew had managed several radio stations and was interested in owning stations rather than just managing them. Paul worked at a bank in commercial loans and was looking for an investment opportunity.
Paul had an MBA and was a good numbers person. Having worked with entrepreneurs as a loan officer, he understood the fundamentals of the money side.
They met at a symposium the bank held on entrepreneurship and formed a partnership to build a chain of stations.
The business had grown as they hoped it would. They noticed, however, that they were bickering more and more – mostly over what they described as little things.
Matthew complained that Paul wasn’t “holding up his end” by missing deadlines, not doing things the way Matthew wanted them done and getting defensive when he pointed out these shortcomings.
Paul’s side of the story emphasized Matthew’s disrespectful tone. He resented being bossed around by his partner and treated “like a kid.”
When they came to see me, they were having serious doubts about the future of the partnership. They knew they would be missing a great business opportunity to build on what they already had created if they couldn’t figure out a way to talk to each other.
They acknowledged that each brought important skills to their working relationship. While they liked and admired one another, neither had experience in being a partner. They were used to a situation in which the roles of the boss and the subordinate were clearly defined.
Initially, they had divided up responsibilities without much conversation about who would do what – they had such different skill sets.
Now, as the business had grown, there were more “balls in the air” and some just weren’t being caught. Their worries about how things were running led to more and more tension. They were snapping at each other and not really pulling in the same direction.
They came to see me to help them communicate better and eliminate the bickering. They agreed they each needed coaching in being a partner.
I started off by asking them what had brought them together as partners. Knowing what each saw in the other gives important clues about what expectations they might have and what strengths each brought to the partnership.
I wanted to see how they talked to each other so I asked them to brainstorm possible solutions.
I asked them to name a business issue they were facing that was provoking particular trouble between them.
They quickly moved into criticizing each other’s idea, interrupting and making snide remarks about the other’s faults. The conversation moved away from solving the problem to proving the other person was wrong – about everything!
For example:
Paul: We need to call the accountant to check out the tax consequences. We need to understand whether there’s a way to structure the deal favorably from a tax standpoint.
Matthew: That’s a dumb idea. He’ll just send us a bill and tell us nothing. You always want to spend money for nothing. I’m the only one who cares about the bottom line.
I stopped this exchange and thanked them for a good demonstration.
Then, I started teaching them to acknowledge what their partner had said before putting another idea on the table.
Here’s how the same conversation went with some coaching.
An example of the change:
Paul: We should call the accountant to check out the tax consequences. . .
Matthew: That’s a good point. We want to make sure we don’t miss any tax advantages. How about getting a better idea of what the deal might be before we call him?
It took a lot of practice for them to slow down enough to hear and acknowledge the other’s comments. They got much better over time.
Then we worked on making sure they followed through when they did agree. They had been coming up with ideas and then backing off because there was so much tension in the conversation.
Through practice during our sessions, they learned to confirm what they had agreed. Before ending a conversation, they came up with a brief action plan so something happened as result of their conversations.
They listened better and reported they felt they were on the same page much more.
They developed job descriptions for themselves. With more clarity about responsibilities, they stopped checking up on each other and quibbling about what didn’t get done.
They identified what additional resources they needed – an in-house accountant and an MBA who did the due diligence research they needed to qualify the potential acquisitions. Each interviewed the candidates. The subsequent hires freed them up more to flesh out their strategic plan.
The more they talked, listened and agreed, the better they felt about the business and working together.
They learned to look at the way they communicated and build new skills. They stopped bickering and were enthusiastic about working together to build an even-more successful business.
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